April 2012
1 post
January 2012
1 post
December 2011
1 post
2 tags
November 2011
2 posts
ON LOUIS C.K. TELLING ME ABOUT BEING 20
I’m 20, and that means I hate our modern world. Sure, the modern world has great stuff for people my age like iPods, the internet, running water, and cats, but I hate it for the phrase “youth is wasted on the young”. I hate that phrase because of how true it is. When you’re twenty, you’ve been sucking on the teat of society for two decades. The result is a person who is at the pinnacle of health...
October 2011
11 posts
4 tags
5 tags
The Infinity Bureau
Arthur Miles had been a well-known politician, perhaps better known for his eccentricity than any actual work on policy. The man was only 35, even with his reputation; surely there was nothing he would have been able to accomplish by such an age. He was a man who took on his work at his own pace and came and went as he pleased. Often, the only place you can find Arthur Miles is in his elaborate...
5 tags
The Infinity Bureau
6:30AM
“And thus marks the end of my 13,734th attempt to complete the mission, and your first attempt to complete the mission.” Arthur explained to a screaming James as the blood crept across the blue tile floor.
The tall woman left the room.
“GOD FUCKING DAMMIT, JESUS, SHE FUCKING SHOT US,” James screamed in agony writhing around on the floor. The nurse, that’s it, he had to push the button...
5 tags
The Infinity Bureau
11:15AM, Paris, France. The mid day sun shines down on the luxurious courtyard as tourists mull about trying to figure out how they can take pictures of themselves holding up the glass pyramid. The laughter of children and the distant lilt of accordion buskers fill the air with a pleasant atmosphere. James just hoped the two sounds were unrelated.
“God, I’m tired, why the hell did we drive to...
6 tags
The Infinity Bureau
8AM, London, the streets are crowded with the most useful portion of the populace. The sun has been up, but the hazy fog over the city doesn’t dare let any light through to the depressing Monday morning occurring below it so that there is no chance a literal brightening of the day could brighten the day of these people.
A fine man in a fine suit sits at a fine table drinking rather fine tea, he...
5 tags
The Infinity Bureau
James woke with a pounding headache and tried to look around the room. White sheets, white walls, blue tiled floor, white curtains, disturbing scent. A clock reads 4:46AM on the bedside table.
“Where am I? Is this a hospital?” The florescent light in the hallway illuminated a small rectangle in the middle of the floor, which began to spin. The pain in his head answered his questions with a swift...
5 tags
The Infinity Bureau
Dawn broke in Sutton on the morning of March 15th, but Arthur Miles was already awake.
“Expecting a visitor, a cautious man, a cautious man.” He paced back and forth in his study.
A visitor here was nothing new for Arthur, although nothing was new for Arthur. However, in addition to the grey suit, bowler, Swiss watch, and moustache, Arthur Miles wore a look of terror on his bespectacled...
4 tags
The Infinity Bureau
He woke up. 4:46 AM, the numbers glowed in the moonless night. White hospital room, clean, disgustingly sterile, and empty. James jumped out of bed, stumbled over to the dresser, and threw on his suit. He made his bed, packed his bag, and stood over by the door.
Footsteps echoed in the hallway.
“And I thought visiting hours were over,” he laughed at his own joke.
He ran back to the bed,...
5 tags
The Infinity Bureau
The car smashed into the water so hard the river might as well have been a parking lot. The windshield shattered, sending glass shards into the white leather seats. Two men in suits stood on the bridge watching it slowly sink to the bottom of the river, until the only thing that was visible was the reflection of the sunrise, and a duck.
“I don’t think that duck was there any of the other times...
4 tags
The Infinity Bureau
He woke up. 4:46 AM, the numbers on the old LCD display slowly came into focus. The hospital room smelled as clean as it always had. White sheets, white curtains, and a neatly made white bed.
“I need to get out of here” he thought, jumping up and changing out of his gown.
James Brighton, 34 years, 180cm, 75kg, black hair, green eyes, and an abundance of more relevant medical information was...
1 tag
September 2011
6 posts
3 tags
3 tags
3 tags
2 tags
11 tags
2 tags
August 2011
1 post
Sorry Crystal
I have a dirty mind.
I was always trying to figure out what a cange tit was.
-Garrett
July 2011
3 posts
1 tag
Watchcalio:
rosotova:
camilalala:
hotsauceonpizza:
Preview of the genderbend episode of Adventure Time: Adventure Time with Fionna and Cake!
Ripped from Cartoon Network’s website.
jsabjdasdabshd CTMC RTM CMTM M MCTMCMTCMTMC ahora tendre que poner una pinguinita!!!
WOWOWOWOWOWOW…
dios mio
June 2011
1 post
Thanks for the drink Adam.
It was top notch: as per usual. For some reason no one else can make that drink without it being nasty.
I’m not apologizing for that pun.
May 2011
10 posts
Have you ever: 1. been kissed? 2. had oral? 3....
claudinsky:
1. Yes.
2. Nope.
3. Nope.
4. Yes.
5. Lol yes.
6. Yes.
7. Nope.
8. Does dislocation count? Otherwise no.
9. Yes.
10. I’ve been hit by lots of cars… but no lol.
11. Probably.
12. I am right now.
Shoot.
You don’t just tell everyone you’re currently masturbating while listening to someone else do the same thing. Why are you on tumblr right now anyway? Sick...
MRI Brain Scan Shows Loving Apple Looks Like... →
ashrinkandhismac:
Not sure it’s exactly like a religious experience, but… okay.
The US legally recognizes video games as an art... →
fapitalism:
CLICK PLAY AND WATCH THE GIF.
...
YES.
April 2011
10 posts
February 2011
0 posts
January 2011
3 posts
Clients From Hell: The Forbidden Fruit →
Client: Hey, just one final question before I send the deposit. Do you use a PC or a MAC?
Me: I use a MAC.
Client: That is a problem. Do you have access to a PC? I am not a supporter of Apple products.
Me: No, I don’t have access to a PC, but this will have little to no effect on the work…